


Our Jedi

by Jedi Days and Jedi Nights (AcademySenseiIruka)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Gen, Heartbreak, Isolation, Post-Episode: s04e15 Deception, Protective clones, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:01:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29272161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcademySenseiIruka/pseuds/Jedi%20Days%20and%20Jedi%20Nights
Summary: Only after faking his death as Rako Hardeen, does Obi-wan realize how important he is to others... but by then, it's too late.
Relationships: 212th Attack Battalion & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 38
Kudos: 138





	1. Chapter 1

"You're not our Jedi anymore." Cody said, his voice even and disinterested. Like he was giving a weather report for a planet he'd never have to visit.

Obi-wan was not prepared for the impact of those words but strangely enough, what he felt was a cold shower of numbness. It rippled down him in waves of denial.

"What do you mean?" He kept his voice as blank as his face.

"I mean, you are being transferred to a different unit."

In a daze, he was ushed off the Negotiator. "Why?" he heard himself whisper at some point along the way.

"Because a General needs troopers they can trust and by your actions with the Rako Hardeen incident, you have demonstrated that you do not trust us."

The words echoed in his mind long after the ship had left orbit without him.

He stayed on Corasant for a few days, filling out paperwork and shielding himself from the warry scans of other Jedi. Eventually, he was assigned a new unit. But judging by the familiar guarded glimmer in their eyes, they were well aware of, and agreed with, the displeasure of the 212.

For their sake, he kept his distance. Or at least that's what he told himself. In truth, he was a coward.

He spent most of his time alone in his quarters. Planning and strategizing and licking his wounds from the justified rejection of the 212.

He didn't even speak with Anakin anymore and by extension Ahsoka. He had never felt so alone.

But despite all that, or perhaps because of it, he didn't feel his life truly shatter until he received word that Darth Maul was still alive. Soon after, he received an irate holo call from Anikin. Cody and Rex stood together at his side and Obi-wan couldn't bring himself to look at them. Instead, he listened in silence as Anakin threw a temper-tantrum. He knew he should be telling him to calm down, but what did it matter? He wasn't Anakin's master anymore than he was the General of the 212.

"You said he was dead. That you killed him!"

"I thought I had."

"You thought you had?" Anakin sneered at his words. "You became a Jedi Knight because you killed Maul and now all you can say is you THOUGHT you killed him? He killed your master and got away because of you. What kind of Jedi... Kriff! Does this even mean you're still a Jedi?"

Obi-wan abruptly ended the call after that.

He knew Anakin was coming from a place of betrail. That the young Jedi was thinking the worst of him. And why shouldn't he? Anakin had no reason to expect otherwise. Obi-wan had failed everyone: Anakin, the Jedi, the 212, Ahsoka and now even Master Qui-gon. The only thing that changed was that he was now no longer under the illusion he was only recently failing everyone. In truth, he had been failing them all along.

For Obi-wan's part, he could honestly say he wasn't affected much by this realization. At least not in the way he would have expected. He wasn't even surprised by the venom in Anakin's words. He had thought the same about himself. With the return of Maul, his very position in the order was called into question.

A few moments later another call from Anakin came in.

"Master-" was all he heard before closing the link completely.

"I'm not your master any more." He reminded himself. He tugged his shields up tighter as he realized, he never was.

On some level, he was aware he was no longer releasing his feelings into the force as he should. And that he hadn't been able to do so for a long time. Mostly because releasing your feeling first required a person to experience them. To feel them. And since he was still swimming around in a cloudy vat of numbness most of the time, he couldn't release what he couldn't feel. So he figured it didn't really count. On some other level, he knew it was just an excuse.

A few hours later, he was making preparations to go after Maul when a cup was gently set down on the corner of his desk. Looking up, Obi-wan was surprised to see a shiny shifting somewhat sheepishly under his gaze.

"Um, it's tea sir." He explained.

"Yes, I see that." and almost as an afterthought. "Thank you."

For the rest of the day, things changed. He was always accompanied by at least one trooper, sometimes more. Obi-wan did not approach them and they didn't often approach him but they were ever-present. Like ghosts floating after him.

The familiar glare he had come to associate with his new unit had also changed, disappeared, instead replaced by something softer and more akin to... worry?

It confused Obi-wan to suddenly see something that reminded him of the 212. And tho his heart was still empty, something tugged on it as he roamed around his unfamiliar ship. Passing troopers who looked exactly like his own unit, yet they weren't his... and he wasn't their Jedi but he wasn't the Jedi of the 212 either. A large and growing lump swelled inside him and threatened to overwhelm him. He braced himself against a wall as a trooper asked if he was ok. His voice, so much like Cody's. But this was not Cody.

"I'm fine." He gasped, sucking in copious amounts of air as a clenching around his chest began to suffocate him. Dark eyes and "general?!" spun around him in a loop as he toppled to the ground.

Someone called for a medic.

Without feeling a chill, he began to tremble as a crack formed where his heart should be. Like a festering wound, finally lanced, his heart broke open. Spilling out in tears of grief and pain. He sobbed and hiccupped, reduced to a pathetic mess writhing on the floor, till a sharp pinch on his neck took it all away.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

(Earlier that same day)

"What do you mean you haven't spoken to him?" Cody demanded, taking over Anakin's holo call to General Kenobi's new commander.

"I mean he's kept entirely to himself since he got here. Doesn't say two words to anyone. He comes out for council meetings and occasionally for food but that's about it. We haven't been on any missions yet. We've just been training and he seems to actively avoid us at all costs."

Cody and Anakin looked to each other as if expecting the other to have an explanation. This did not sound like Obi-wan at all. General Kenobi was social and outgoing. He went out of his way to meet every shiny and participate in as many training activities as he could. This did not sound like the General they knew.

"All due respect sir but what does it matter? He's not your General anymore."

Cody growled. "Because it's the responsibility of the clone troopers to take care of their Jedi because we take care of our own. They are ours and we are theirs."

The new commander shifted a bit as if unsure of how to respond. "The Kaminoans said the Jedi view us as replaceable."

Cody blanched as if he'd been struck. "the Kaminoan's were wrong."

"Then why didn't your Jedi bother to tell you he was still alive? If he is your vod'e, then why didn't he care enough to tell you?"

Cody just shook his head. "After the Hardeen incident, I thought we didn't matter to him. That perhaps the Kaminoans were right all along. Maybe he really only saw us as tools, not people worthy of being told he was alright. We were angry but we didn't want to hurt him. We didn't even think we were hurting him because we thought he didn't care." But if Obi-wan's behavior had changed so drastically since leaving the 212 then maybe...

"He does care." Rex prompted.

"He does." Cody agreed sadly. His voice, soft and devoid of anything besides sadness. "Whatever his reasons, they don't matter anymore because after what we have done to him, to our Jedi, we don't deserve him."

"Cody-" Rex tried to console but Cody shook his head and directed his attention towards the projection of the other commander.

"No, after what we did, he belongs with a unit that would never mistreat him. And I want him away from his current unit as soon as possible. They abandoned their Jedi and haven't even been in a battle yet."

"I'm sorry sir but you don't have that authority."

"But I do." Anakin pointed out, crossing his arms and glaring as if daring the commander to protest. "and if it turns out I don't, I'll find someone who does and force them to make it happen."

Cody glared with glossy eyes at the holo commander. "You don't deserve him but I'll be damned if I let him suffer alone anymore. So while this transfer is pending, I want you to send someone to him, a shiny. Someone must be with him at all times from now on." Cody ordered.

The commander shrugged. "You really think that's necessary? Maybe he just wants to be alone?"

"Because I know my general. He's social and needs..." 'Us' he thought but didn't say.

"Alright Commander, I'll send a Shiny. Anything else?"

"Tea, bring him tea."


	2. Our Jedi Even Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-wan wakes up after his panic attack and it alone, like always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long delay in posting chapters. I have two other stories going on at the same time and I had put this one on the back burner so I could mentally figure out some plot issues I had with this new chapter. But obviously, that's fixed now. The problem is I got so carried away with the other stories that I seriously forgot this one existed till I got a comment from a reader. Oops! That said, after reading this chapter I immediately remembered where this story was going and immediately got back into it. Fortunately, the changes to this new chapter were an easy fix with fresh eyes looking at the problem,
> 
> Once again, sorry this took forever and a special thank you to the Mimi in the comments for reminding me this story existed. The next chapter will be updated in a more timely manner. 
> 
> And as always, a huge thank you to my beta reader KitcatKim3. You are a lifesaver.

Obi-wan slowly opened his eyes to the low light of the medbay. The thick smell of Bacta hung in the air even without a recent battle. He shivered a bit as a flash of memory passed behind his eyes. Nausea churned his stomach as he fought against remembering the events that lead to his panic attack and had sent him spiraling out of control, to the point of needing sedation.

He sucked in several slow breaths as he leaned forward, back straight as he concentrated on the feeling of his lungs expanding and contracting. His heart slowed as he drooped into an unsteady meditation.

When Obi-wan opened his eyes the second time, his thoughts were much clearer.

The room he was in was empty, tho a distant shuffle alerted him to the fact that the medic was in the adjacent room. Either working with a patient or taking inventory, he didn't know nor did he care. But he wasn't about to pass up the golden opportunity to get away. As he crept from the room and slipped out the main door unnoticed, he scowled to himself... Cody would have been furious with him for escaping the med bay... but Cody wasn't here.

He stood in the sterile hallway, half in a daze as he considered his next move. It was obvious he'd had an emotional break of some kind. The result of which had undoubtedly inconvenienced his new unit enough to where he'd been taken to medical. He winced at the embarrassment of the situation. He could only imagine what his new unit thought of him. A fabled Jedi general of the GAR, fainting before he even stepped foot on the battlefield. He hoped the tabloids wouldn't get ahold of the story but would it make a difference?

Negative public opinion was of little consequence to him and how he was perceived by the galaxy as a whole was equally meaningless, but the good opinion of the 212, however tainted, still mattered a great deal to him. If the 212 found out, if Anakin did... then again, would they care? Would they be concerned over him or would it serve to widen their divide? That his recent... breaking, would be seen as evidence in support of their decision to abandon him. The fallen Jedi master, not fallen to the dark side but fallen in usefulness. A broken, sorry excuse for a jedi "master".

Obi-wan sighed, still standing alone and aimless in the vacant hallway. He needed to focus, there was a war going on and no matter how pathetic he was, there were things he needed to do... he had a score to settle. A long-overdue rematch, and considering he wasn't scheduled to depart for his first mission with his new unit yet, he may have time to finish things.

Decision made, he found himself walking briskly towards the hanger. His footsteps echoed down the empty halls as he traveled and Obi-wan realized it must be in the middle of the night shift. The vacant ship unnerved him with how close it was to the Negotiator. The 212 had once filled the halls and rooms of a ship so similar to the one he currently walked but the relatively new vessel wasn't quite at a full complement yet and most were still likely asleep in their barracks... but right now, without meeting any vod to dispel the mirage of not being back on his old ship, he wondered if he closed his eyes, could fool himself into imagining Cody's comforting presence at his side?

As he entered the hanger, he passed a surprised lieutenant who quickly ghosted after him. As Obi-wan neared his Jedi starfighter, he beckoned R4-P17 to join him.

At his motion, the lieutenant's surprise spiked to alarm and the vod scurried over to him. "Sir, can we help you with anything?"

"No." he assured plainly. "I'll be away for a few days but I'll be back before we rendezvous with the fleet." He'd honestly believed his words would be a comfort to the vod but instead, their alarm morphed into clearly broadcast fear. What is going on? Obi-wan wondered, arching a brow at the odd behavior.

R4 beeped, drawing Obi-wan attention to the droid as it locked itself into place for their journey.

With his back turned to the vod, Obi-wan could only feel the fear from the vod snap back under control. "Well, I'll go with you." The Luitenenat volunteered emphatically, the fear had quieted surprisingly fast for a shiny.

"That's not necessary. This mission is of a personal nature." Obi-wan assured as he hopped onto the wing of his fighter. At the sound of a clang, Obi-wan turn in time to see the lieutenant hop onto a nearby fighter.

"I wasn't asking." The surprisingly defiant man called over his shoulder.

Obi-wan watched him curiously as he climbed into the cockpit. As if sensing he was being monitored, the Lieutenant looked up and for several heartbeats, they simply stared at each other. Obi-wan couldn't figure out what the man wanted from him.

"You're going after that Sith 'Maul', aren't you?" He accused, tho without the animosity Obi-wan had come to expect.

Obi-wan considered his words carefully. "Yes." He said simply.

The lieutenant nodded, his expression somber but not resigned, not fearful. "Then let's go."

Obi-wan sighed as he slipped into the pilot's chair. Moments later, as their ships speed out of the hanger, Obi-wan allowed himself to feel a bitter twinge of nostalgia. Obi-wan had expected to be tracking Maul on his own but traveling with a vod gave him a sense of familiar calm. As tho this is how things should be. The bit of company would certainly be a nice change from what he'd become accustomed to and he'd sincerely missed interacting with the vod on a daily basis. Admittedly, he should be going after Maul alone, but when presented with the option of leaving without someone, Obi-wan found he could not order the vod away.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

(A few hours later)

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S GONE!" Cody roared at Obi-wan's incompetent commander.

"He snuck out of medical and took off. A lieutenant accompanied him and they sent a message back explaining they were, well, they were on their way to intercept Maul."

"That fool." Anakin hissed. "Didn't the Rako Hardeen fallout teach him anything?" The young Jedi hung his head as he leaned over the edge of the control panel displaying the general's projected destination and current location. Anakin's words were harsh and his body was stiff and rigid.

"Why didn't you STOP HIM?" He growled. His fingers clenched forcefully at the curve of the panel, turning his flesh hand white as his metal hand dented the ship a bit in his grasp. Anyone in passing would assume the Jedi was furious, but anyone who knew him well enough could tell the difference between Anakin's anger and his fear.

The blue holo figure of Obi-wan's commander frowned. "We received word he was in the hanger from the lieutenant who accompanied him but what were we supposed to do? We can't order him to stay, he's our general."

Now it was Cody's turn to growl. "Send us what you have." He informed the commander. "And stay where you are. We will pursue OUR General." He challenged, clicking the com closed with a satisfying slap to the control panel.

When the tracking beacon from the lieutenant escorting the general was sent over, the Resolute wasted no time in leaping into hyperspace.

"Why didn't he tell us?" Anakin asked, half to himself as Rex came to stand supportively beside him. "Why doesn't he tell us ANYTHING?"

Cody and Rex traded concerned looks over Anakin's hunched form.

"Maybe he didn't think we'd care?" Cody whispered softly. At this point, he had one theory as to the general's behavior. It was the only thing that came close to reasonably explaining anything... And if his theory was correct, he feared for his general.

"What do you mean?" Anakin snapped. "Of course he knows we care. We were all so angry with him BECAUSE we care about him!"

Anakin's control over his anger had been noticeably slipping since Obi-wan left. It was concerning the vod and in secret, they were devising a plan for what to do if the Jedi ever fell. How to save him, when and if that time ever came. Rex never said anything, but Cody knew he was heartbroken such meetings were even necessary for his Jedi.

Cody sympathized with Rex but right now, his priority was to Obi-wan. With a sigh, Cody began to patiently explain what he suspected. "General Kenobi is a Jedi who follows an already strict code by following it to the letter. It's why his relationship with Satine never amounted to anything despite his willingness to leave the order for her." He hesitated, glancing at Anakin before continuing. "but perhaps his unwillingness to decide for himself to be with her, is a symptom of his problem?"

"What are you getting at?" Anakin moaned tiredly.

"I mean sir. That Obi-wan could have chosen Satine because he loved her more than he should have, but what if he didn't believe she actually loved him in return? Perhaps his willingness to keep us in the dark about the plan to fake his death, was more a symptom of his mistaken belief he wouldn't have been missed? That his return would have been taken more as a relief at the end of a prank, rather than the hostile anger he was met with?" Cody looked to the confused eyes of Anakin as he continued. "Perhaps he agreed to fake his death in the first place because he didn't think he'd be missed and our silence and rejection when he came back, served to reaffirmed this belief?"

"You're saying we did this?" Anakin whispered.

"Not all of it, no. There is no way we could have known what he was thinking and we had a right to be angry, but we never let him know how much he meant to us when he came back. He never learned how much he mattered to us... In fact, we proved the opposite."

Anakin nodded as he clapped a hand on Cody's shoulder. "Then when we find him, we'll have to make him understand. To make him see we do care." Anakin smiled, broad and determined, but Cody didn't have the same confidence. His general was out there, virtually alone all because on some level, he felt he had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I have a few names in mind for the vod with Obi-wan but if you guys have any ideas I'd love to hear them. so far I have it between, Bold, Brash or Moxie. So what do you all like or do you think, or should name him something else?
> 
> Personally, Moxie is my first choice but I'm still curious as to what you guys would call him.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally planned for a part two for this but I kinda ran out of ideas to fix this situation. So if you guys have any ideas, please let me know. Maybe I'll come back and add more to this someday?


End file.
